End or beginning?

Today, I sit on the edge of my seat. I await a woman, in an office, to determine what I'm gonna be doing for the next year (at least). Due to certain circumstances, she has decided against renewing my probationary teaching certificate. Without a teaching certificate I can't teach, so essentially I'm out of a job. That is, unless I can convince this lady to renew my certification and in turn give me my job back.

     But as I sit here and wait for her to decide to get back to her office, I wonder if I should even bother. Do I really want to be back in the classroom another year? Sure, I could use the money. Hell, I need the money. I have a bloody high car payment to make! Not to mention a certain lifestyle that I've been accustom to. Which entails ridiculous spending and no saving--okay, maybe that's not the best reason to keep my job.  But also, I want to teach literature, maybe ESL isn't exactly the best way to do that, but everyone has to pay their dues. Everyone has to start somewhere, and this is my somewhere.

    On the flip-side, it's kind of a release.I mean, I did want to get out of Laredo, and I do want to go back to college full-time, maybe this is where my life is supposed to go right now. Maybe, taking a break away from teaching and from the pressures of it will reinvigorate me. After all, let's face it. I've been in a bit of a rut as of late. Maybe this is the kick in the ass that I need to finally get my ass in motion. To pursue what I really want to to be a professional dancer. Wait, no, that's not me. I mean, being a professor of English and writing for a living. How can I possibly write the next Harry Potter if I can't find the bloody time to write!?  It's not like I don't have options, after all.  I could retake my certification exams and become a personal trainer, I know Gold's and rock would hire me, and I'm pretty sure I'd be a shoe in at Olympus. Then I could move up north, and get clientèle somewhere else. I'm sure I could do well in Austin.

      My only pressing concern is my car payment. It's a bitch and a half, and I don't want to ruin my mom's or my own credit.

I guess things will work out in their own way. They always do.

In Faith, Hope, and Love,


Luis A. Ramirez